Have you ever heard the phrase - "Sometimes
love isn't enough"? How is it possible
that Love, the force that binds the Universe,
the glue that holds the fabric of life
together, could somehow not be enough?
The answer lies in how we feel about ourselves
- how we love and care for us. If we don1t
love ourselves then how can we truly be
available to love anyone else? For women
it takes the shape of the ever- available-always-doing-for-others-superwomen,
for men it1s the silent-strong-rock-with-no-feelings.
Women end up being overly involved and
concerned with every little thing around
them and men end up withdrawing until they
are nonexistent in any relationship. No
boundaries or no openings - two extremes
of the same experience.
The Myth of Selfishness
Why do we so easily give parts of ourselves
away or seal them off from human contact?
Many are taught to live their lives these
ways through their family experiences,
what they observe in their culture and
in social institutions. Another extremely
influential part of our cultural experience
is our media. The fantasy of love that
the media portrays leaves us feeling insecure,
and inadequate - we can1t live up to that
fantasy of love because at the same time
our culture and media portray taking care
of ourselves as selfish. When you give
a part of yourself away or withhold a part
of yourself, you shut down a cycle, a flow
of energy that maintains a balance in ourselves
and in all life. It1s only when we are
out of balance and out of touch with our
true self and our own life that our behavior
appears selfish. Yet, sometimes that selfishness
is what1s needed to bring back our lives
back into balance.
When
we are out of balance we attract experiences
and people that will reflect
back to us our own unconscious beliefs,
fears, dysfunction and misperceptions about
ourselves and our world. When we are in
balance and loving ourselves we are expressing
our Authentic Self, our true Essence to
the world and we can attract people, situations,
relationships that are real and lasting.
Balance is not an "equal" thing
- it1s not split down the middle. Think
of walking a tightrope, sometimes an arm
is stuck out over there and a leg over
here and yet there is balance, the tightrope
walker does not fall. Balance is not about
being perfect, it1s about working with
and doing the best you can with the resources
you have available to you at that time.
Balance is a flexible, mutable experience
that feels peaceful inside.
Letting Our Visions Emerge
So what's loving ourselves really about?
This acronym for Love is a good way to
explain it - Love is about "Letting
Our Visions Emerge." It's about sharing
our vision of ourselves, of others, of
the world and how we want to blend, meld
and co-create with those forces. In order
to love, we must grow and in order to grow
we must love.
So what are some ways we can love and
nurture ourselves and create and maintain
our balance?
- Prioritize, be honest about what you
really want to be involved in and with
whom.
- Be realistic about the amount of time
and energy you have to give to things
outside of yourself.
- Create a peaceful restful environment
in your personal space (home, work etc).
- Limit or eliminate your contact with
those people and situations that are
negative or unsupportive of your personal
growth.
- Take time to do things you really enjoy
- if you've been out of balance so long
that you've lost your sense of what you
like and want to do, try the following
exercise. Put a pad of paper and a pen
or pencil beside you wherever you sleep.
First thing when you wake up write down
five things you would do that day if
you could do anything you wanted to do.
Do this for three weeks, at the end of
that time you will have a good idea of
what you need to nurture yourself and
how you want to live your life.
- Take time to be quiet - if you have
challenges sitting still or being alone
that usually indicates something we are
afraid to address within ourselves.
- Be aware and don't judge your "performance" -
this is about you loving yourself, you
know what is right for you.
- Be open to change.
Loving ourselves begins with a vision.
As our vision changes and expands it teaches
everyone we encounter how to love themselves,
and isn't that the best gift of all?
© 2004 Garden of One
