Our expectations have become highly
unrealistic. Rarely do we look in the
mirror and ask: Am I fit to love? Today's
relationships are failing because of
deterioration of character. It is time
we made a point of building long-term
relationship success based on the strength
of our characters, instead of clever-minded
relationship strategies.
Great relationships require great
characters. We simply must become better
people for each other. Becoming fit
to love is a powerful wake-up call
for the brave. It will dramatically
improve our relationships or our chances
of finding love.
The happiest people are those in
exceptional relationships. They are
heavily invested in their most valuable
asset: their relationship and have
an abundance of life's most precious
commodity: love. They all have one
thing in common: they are fit to love.
At the heart of all exceptional relationships
are three universal principles: mutual
respect, moral responsibility and authenticity
and here is what it means:
Mutual
Respect: Your partner is just as important
as you.
Our
partner's dreams and hopes are as
important
as our own. This principle
requires us to think of our partner
as our equal. Given that our generation
has made history as ambassadors of
our "me first" society, we
are more concerned with getting what
we want. For Bill, everything revolves
around golfing. He spends every weekend
at the golf course while his wife,
Jane, looks after their two small children.
Extra money from their already tight
budget is spent on Bill's hobby. Stuck
at home with toddlers, Jane has little
freedom to do or buy anything special.
Despite Jane's complaints Bill seems
completely aloof to the fact that he
is disrespectful.
Relationship conflicts arise because
of different perspectives. Lovers argue
over who is right, instead solving
the issue in their mutual best interest.
The struggle over unresolved issues
leads to resentment even when there
is love. Love and respect take a backseat
and the relationship deteriorates.
This dangerous game is the reason why
many relationships fail, when they
shouldn't. Instead of trying to change
each other or putting our needs first,
we must realize that our partner is
just as important. In grabbing hold
of our partner's beliefs we show that
we respect our partner. If conflict
arises and we cannot agree, we should
simply agree to disagree and continue
to talk with respect. Without mutual
respect, it is impossible to create
loving relationships.
Moral
Responsibility: You
are always morally responsible
to those
with whom you
have relationships.
We live in a society that elevates
self-fulfillment above anything else.
We seek self-fulfillment at any cost,
even at the cost of others. Regardless
of how often we have heard that we
are not responsible for our partner's
happiness, we are still responsible
for his or her well-being. Love is
a moral responsibility to another person.
We blame our partners if things do
not work out without looking in the
mirror to see our own flaws. Yet, everything
we think, say or do affects those we
love.
Jennifer had lunch with her friend
Sally at a quaint restaurant. Jennifer
could barely wait to share the details
about her affair with this young stud.
Sally listened in awe as Jennifer blamed
her so-called inattentive husband,
Paul. It was a strange twist of fate
that Paul sat behind the flower-decorated
lattice wall listening to every word
his wife said. From here on life took
a different turn. Jennifer had deceived
her husband Paul and lost the respect
of Sally. This is a high price to pay
for moments of sex.
In our quest for better relationships,
we must make our relationship a priority.
We must focus on our relationship not
elsewhere.
Authenticity: True
love only happens when you are real
Have you ever
found yourself laughing simply because
everyone else did? Agreed
with your partner's opinion even though
you didn't share it or said: "I
love you" when you didn't mean
it. Did you ever do something inconsistent
with your true self just to please
someone or to get what you wanted?
Of course we all have. We have lost
the bravery to be real!
For many there is quite a gap between
the inside and the person they present
to the world. How about Toni, the dad
who rents a Porsche to impress his
date, while being delinquent in child
support. Debby spends every Sunday
at Grant's parents but resents it.
To keep the peace, she refrains from
claiming some of these Sundays on her
terms.
To be validated we often compromise
who we are. Conditioned by our environment
we have become products of the culture
we live in. No matter how good we are
at playing roles eventually our truth
emerges. Being fit to love means being
real. When we are authentic our relationships
become real and we never have to doubt
them.
Regardless of the state of our relationships
or how unsuccessfully we have tried
to find love we have the power to radically
change today. Mutual respect, moral
responsibility and authenticity are
key to exceptional relationships. People
in exceptional relationships are fit
to love and in the process they reap
some profound rewards:
- They live much happier lives
- They cope far better with stress
- They have better sex more often
- They laugh more often and have
more fun
- They are healthier and live longer
- They are more optimistic
- They feel more secure and stable
No wonder
we envy these people. In times like
these, laced with tremendous
uncertainty their relationships are
like rock-solid anchors. Mahatma Gandhi
said: "A coward is incapable of
exhibiting love; it is the prerogative
of the brave." Let's be brave!
