The petite woman gestured
helplessly in front of me, her face twisted
with pain and grief. "I got written
up at work. They say my attitude's bad. I've
NEVER gotten written up before. I'm good
at what I do. But I'm just so TIRED of people
being nasty to me all the time. Why do I
have to be nice to them, kiss up to them?
When is it my turn? I want to scream 'Somebody
be nice to me for a change!' "
I replied, "What
if when you were nice to people you really
meant it? What if it stopped being 'kissing
up' and became something you really wanted
to do? For just five minutes at a time?"
 It's
easy to be spiritual in serene surroundings,
or in tune with like-minded people. But
no matter what we learn in meditation class,
at spiritual seminars, or from metaphysical
books, the vast majority of us can easily
shelve such thoughts when we're "in
the world," especially the business
world. We feel inundated by company politics,
gossip by the water cooler, more work with
fewer people and less time for simple humanity.
The fact that "Dilbert" is one
of today's top comic strips is clear evidence
of change in the workplace since 1980.
With such an avalanche
of challenge, the ability to truly interact
with each other in the work-world can
be compromised. Sometimes it gets down
to the visceral, gritty level of "you
owe me/I owe the boss/what do I have
to do to climb the ladder?" That's
when we tend to barrel forward: head
down, ready to rumble, and woe betide
anyone who gets in our way!
This is especially true
in a customer-directed business such as
retail, banking, or the service industries.
Not only do you have to deal with your
boss and co-workers, but also there are
perfect strangers demanding your time,
your attention, your effort - and they
probably want whatever they want NOW, no
excuses, and don't forget a smile and a
'thank you' because they're good enough
to give you their business . . .!
That kind of world can
be a drain on anyone - but it doesn't have
to be. This is where being Awake is
important: because with each moment, each
contact, you can choose how you react,
what you return. You can choose to freely
give, instead of feeling "taken."
It all comes down to turning
your thoughts away from yourself, and putting
them completely on the other person.
Is this hard? It can be.
It involves turning away from our ego,
the little voice of "me me me" inside
us. This is radically different, the opposite
of what the world encourages us to do: "Looking
out for #1" . . . "It's all about
you" . . . "Where do you want
to go today?" . . . "Indulge
yourself" are examples of the multitude
of catch phrases and ad slogans that tell
us to put ourselves first. And they push
us to be dissatisfied if we don't get everything
that we think we deserve, or are entitled
to.
"But doesn't being
Ego-less mean getting stepped on?" some
might say. Far from it. If anything, it's
empowering. Try this experiment:
Feel, just for one moment,
what it is like to be complete. Give yourself
a moment in which you have no needs, no
wants, no desires of your own. Nothing
is tugging or pulling at you. For just
these few minutes, nothing in your life
needs fixing. You're just being. Serene.
Easy. Nothing is wrong with you, and nothing
ever was. You and your life simply Are,
perfect in the moment.
Take that feeling of "not needing
anything" and hold it. When you are
concentrated in simply Being, the Ego loses
its grip a little. The voices get softer.
Now, imagine turning your
attention towards another person. Because
you need nothing from them, but are complete
in yourself, you have everything to give
to them. To go to the example of the bank
officer at the beginning of this story:
Stepping away from Ego
gives the ability to completely concentrate
on the person across the desk, to be completely
open to what they need, completely loving
of them for as long as they sit there.
If they are troubled, or angry, the Ego-less
person can be completely present for them,
because nothing is needed from them - not
their approval, not their kindness. Instead,
you can give them your approval, your kindness.
You can love them from that unconditional
place that tells them, "nothing is
wrong with you, and nothing ever was. Wherever
you are right now, I can be here with you,
and I will help you to get whatever you
need." It's a completely different
place from which to say, "Good morning.
How can I help you?" Because you will
find you really mean it.
Often, people will hear
the difference immediately, see it in your
face, your smile, the fact that you are "really
there behind your eyes" for them.
It will help them be Present for you. Your
interaction with them will be changed.
Even if they are still angry, upset, scared,
whatever - when you come from that place
of giving in your own heart, you will find
that you don't take in those upset feelings.
You'll understand that's simply where the
other person is at the moment.
Every day that you do
this - turning your heart towards others,
giving without worrying about the "me" voice
inside - you will find your world changing.
People will begin to return the kindness
you radiate. People will want to go out
of their way to give to you, because you
inspire the giving. You will be one of
those bright lights that make a true difference
in the world.
Even if you only succeed
for five minutes on your first day, with
one person, it's a start. The next day,
strive for ten minutes...two people. At
the end of a week, try being ego-less for
a whole hour. It is not easy - I know!
But it's the door that can open up treasures
beyond measure.
When you feel you are
not receiving enough - give first. Start
the flow. And watch the magic grow.
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